Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut
....and sometimes you don't.
I got overwhelmed today. I showed up at a chorus call, knowing full well that it would be crowded, and a long wait. I got my number, sat down in the sweltering room, knowing that I'd have a two + hour wait until I'd get seen. Looking around the room, suddenly my clothes seemed inadequate. I was wrinkled, and sweating. I was wearing clothes that were too dark and heavy, and when I looked around, the other girls were beautiful and in light dresses. I saw my reflection in the mirror. My makeup was too harsh, my hair too messy, my curves just a little too curvy. New York girls are all so skinny, and I felt like behemoth amidst all of these perfectly primed ladies.
The room started to feel a little too small, perched there among 200 girls with my feet aching from the uncomfortable heels I wore. It felt like the walls were closing in, and the volume of chattering girls, like birds, was all too much.
I left.
I figured if I wasn't feeling right, I wouldn't do my best. It wouldn't get me closer to that job. Let one of the other girs who wants it more than I do today have my 16 bar slot.
I can't really explain what happened. The past week I've been home, its been full speed ahead. Today I just couldn't do it.
Being an actor in New York is anything but glamourous. Its mostly smoke and mirrors, in the form of a heavy backpack stuffed with makeup and clothing.
Today I needed a mental-health-break. Tomorrow I will try again.
Because all I can do is try.
I got overwhelmed today. I showed up at a chorus call, knowing full well that it would be crowded, and a long wait. I got my number, sat down in the sweltering room, knowing that I'd have a two + hour wait until I'd get seen. Looking around the room, suddenly my clothes seemed inadequate. I was wrinkled, and sweating. I was wearing clothes that were too dark and heavy, and when I looked around, the other girls were beautiful and in light dresses. I saw my reflection in the mirror. My makeup was too harsh, my hair too messy, my curves just a little too curvy. New York girls are all so skinny, and I felt like behemoth amidst all of these perfectly primed ladies.
The room started to feel a little too small, perched there among 200 girls with my feet aching from the uncomfortable heels I wore. It felt like the walls were closing in, and the volume of chattering girls, like birds, was all too much.
I left.
I figured if I wasn't feeling right, I wouldn't do my best. It wouldn't get me closer to that job. Let one of the other girs who wants it more than I do today have my 16 bar slot.
I can't really explain what happened. The past week I've been home, its been full speed ahead. Today I just couldn't do it.
Being an actor in New York is anything but glamourous. Its mostly smoke and mirrors, in the form of a heavy backpack stuffed with makeup and clothing.
Today I needed a mental-health-break. Tomorrow I will try again.
Because all I can do is try.
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