Five and Counting

The ups and downs of auditioning are incredible. One day you are on top of the world, the next day you feel like crap. Up and down up and down....I'm getting nauseous.

Tuesday I felt ill and discouraged and spent most of the day resting and getting over a headache. Wednesday I felt on top of the world, having rocked out two auditions in a row, booked a film audition off a submission, and still had enough energy to go to a friend's house and practice. Today, motivated by the success of the day before, I woke up at the ass-crack of dawn (or ACOD) to sign up for one of the most attended auditions of the year. Actually got one of the last appointments available (lucky me), raced to another studio, and booked a second audition. Something shifted between the morning and afternoon, because I totally bombed my first audition today.


I couldn't focus, my voice wasn't working, I didn't feel right in my body. It was the first time I've ever wanted to stop singing, because I was embarrassed before the appointment was even over. I wanted to stop singing and say, "Thanks, but no thanks. Its not working today," and run out of the room. Of course my 16 bars felt like the looooongest 16 bars I've ever sung.

I snapped myself out of it and got it together for my second audition. I was more focused and the song was more like how I wanted it to be, how I had practiced it to be; but still it was a little wonky. Is this just "first audition using a new song" blues? I felt it a personal victory to have done the second audition better than the first. At least I proved to myself that I could do it; although I know my audition wasn't strong enough to warrant a call back. I wouldn't call myself back.

I trudged to my third audition of the day, for the independent film that had called me the day before. Exhausted and pissed at myself, I was ready for the day to be over. I get in the room and meet many lovely people, only to find that I have conflicts with their shoot dates. I don't even read the sides, but leave them with my headshot and a smile, and a hope of a future project.

On my way home I instinctively stopped at Rite Aid for some dark chocolate and a beer. My feet just took me there without thinking about it.

This week has been nuts. Five auditions...and did I mention that I also had some boy issues at the top of the week? My brain is like an emotional battle field. Its like my feelings were in a snow globe and some outside force gave it a good shake. Now all the tiny snow flakes are settling down, floating piece by piece.

Two more auditions (for a total of seven. SEVEN!) tomorrow, and then the blissful weekend. Hopefully I can get my mind to stop racing and take a break from constant job searching.